Look, I’m a simple man with simple wants. After a long day of lawyering a guy like me just wants to slide down a convoluted network of tubes that spills out into a large pool of chlorine mixed with water. But can I just stroll down the street at five o’clock, pop off my tie, and plop down in a lazy river? No! I, and every other lawyer/paralegal in this regressive city have to make the drive all the way out to Point Mallard everyday after clocking out, putting unnecessary CO2 into the atmosphere and clogging up 565. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve pulled up to that waterpark in the winter only to find out they were closed!
The solution is simple: No more of this nonsense about turning the old downtown bank into an arts venue or retail space or whatever other jibber jabber. TURN THE BANK INTO AN INDOOR WATER PARK.
The floors and walls are all marble so there should be no problem holding thousands of gallons of water in the once-lobby-now-wave-pool. The ceilings are more than 30 feet high which is plenty of room for tube slides, and surely the space is wide and deep enough for one of those giant bowls that you slide around in in a spiral until you eventually get flushed out the middle. And I think it goes without saying that converting the banks boxes to lockers is just a matter of installing a few coin slots.
Obviously, limiting this water park to indoors is strictly a cold-weather rule. Obviously we will have a slide that exits the building and ejects into Big Spring during warmer weather, and obviously the Big Spring park creek will, during summer, function as a lazy river.
I don’t have a lot of time to write proposals like this; I’m already behind on some important legal documents that need scrutinizing. Just make it happen, people. Thumbs up this idea and get your friends to do the same so that our Lawyers-Only Indoor Water Park dream becomes a necessary reality.
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